We know you take nursing very seriously, but sometimes you just need to take a load off.

Let’s take a look at the funny side of nursing with these hilarious jokes only you would understand.

These jokes will crack you up!

1. St. Peter and the Three Nurses

Three nurses died and went to heaven, where they were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter.

To the first, he asked, “What did you do on Earth and why should you go to heaven?” “I was a nurse in an inner-city hospital,” she replied. “I worked to bring healing and peace to the poor suffering city children.” “Very noble,” said St. Peter. “You may enter.” And in through the gates she went.

To the next, he asked the same question: “So what did you do on Earth?” “I was a nurse at a missionary hospital in Africa,” she replied. “For many years, I worked with a skeleton crew of doctors and nurses who tried to reach out to as many peoples and tribes with a hand of healing and with a message of God’s love.” “How touching,” said St. Peter. “You too may enter.” And in she went.

He then came to the last nurse, to whom he asked, “So, what did you do back on Earth?” After some hesitation, she explained, “I was just a nurse at an HMO.” St. Peter pondered this for a moment, and then said, “Okay, you may enter also.”

“Whew!” said the nurse. “For a moment there, I thought you weren’t going to let me in.”

“Oh, you can come in,” said St. Peter, “but you can only stay for three days….”

 

2. Public Viewing

An elderly client, Mr. Williams, was living in a nursing home. Until one day, he appeared to be very sad and depressed. He was very lonely that caught the attention of Nurse Rose.

Nurse Rose asked him if there was anything wrong, “Yes, Nurse Rose,” said Mr. Williams. “My Private Part died today, and I am very sad.”

Knowing her patients were a little forgetful and sometimes a little crazy, she replied, “Oh, I’m so sorry, Mr. Williams. Please accept my condolences.”

The next day, Mr. Williams was walking down the hall with his Private Part hanging out of his pajamas.

He met Nurse Rose. “Mr. Williams,” she said, “You shouldn’t be walking down the hall like that. Please put your Private Part back inside your pajamas.”

“But, Nurse Rose I can’t,” replied Mr. Williams. “I told you yesterday that my Private Part died.”

“Yes,” said Nurse Rose, “you did tell me that, but why is it hanging out of your pajamas?”

“Well,” he replied, “Today is the public viewing.”

 

3. Count Down

A nurse enters the room of a monstrous patient who wants to find out if he’s still ill. In the moment, the nurse already has the results of the examination.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news. You’re dying and you don’t have much time,” the nurse says.

“Oh no, that’s terrible. How long have I got?” the man asks.

“10…” says the nurse.

“10? 10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!” he asks desperately.

“10…9…8…7…”

 

4. The frantic Husband

A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”

“Is this her first child?” the nurse queries.

“No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

 

 5. Three Wishes

A nursing assistant, a floor nurse and a charge nurse from a small nursing home were taking a lunch break in the break room. In walks a lady dressed in silk scarves and wearing large polished-stone jewelry. “I am Gina the Great,” stated the lady. “I am so pleased with the way you have taken care of my aunt that I will now grant the next three wishes!” With a wave of her hand and a puff of smoke, the room was filled with flowers, fruit, and bottles of drink, proving that she did have the power to grant wishes before any of the nurses could think otherwise.

The nurses quickly argued among themselves as to which one would ask for the first wish. Speaking up, the nursing assistant wished first. “I wish I were on a tropical island beach, with single, well-built men feeding me fruit and tending to my every need.” With a puff of smoke, the nursing assistant was gone.

The floor nurse went next. “I wish I were rich and retired, and spending my days in my own warm cabin at a ski resort with well-groomed men feeding me cocoa and doughnuts.” With a puff of smoke, she too was gone.

“Now, what is the last wish?” asked the lady.

The charge nurse said, “I want those two back on the floor at the end of the lunch break.”