We know nursing can be tough. Take a load off with these hilarious nursing jokes that we have compiled just for you.



A nurse had to take a patient back to her room after surgery.

The woman was still feeling the effects of the anesthetic and was rather confused.

After nurse had made her comfortable, she was confronted with four of woman friends who asked,
“How is she?”
The nurse replied, “Oh, she’s quite dopey.”
One of the friends said, “We know that, but how is she healthwise?”


Q: Why do blonde nurses bring red
magic markers to work?

A: In case they have to draw blood.


Q: Why did the nurse keep the bedpan
in the
A: Because when she kept it in the freezer it took too much skin off.


Nurse: Are you awake?

Patient: No, I’m having 20 winks.

Nurse: You mean 40 winks, don’t you?

Patient: No, I’m only half asleep.


The nurse who can smile when things go wrong is probably going off duty.


A nurse was showing some student nurses through the hospital.

“This will be the most hazardous section in the hospital for you.

The men on this floor are almost well.”


Nurse: When I eat too much dessert I don’t post about it on Facebook….

Because if it isn’t charted, it didn’t happen.


What’s the difference between a nurse and a nun?
A nun only serves one God.
What is the quickest way to a man’s heart?
A bilateral incision on the upper left region of the sternum
How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend four hours in the waiting room.

Three nurses died and went to heaven and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, “I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven.”

St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, “I worked in an operating room. It’s a very high-stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard.”St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, “I was a case manager for an HMO.”

St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse’s file.
After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven … for five days!”

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man. From time to time the young nurse came in and said in a patronizing tone, “And how are we doing this morning?”Well, this is a story of revenge.
Harry had received breakfast, and pulled the juice off the tray, and put it on his stand.
He had been given a urine bottle to fill. The juice was apple juice.

You know where the juice went.

The nurse came in, picked up the urine bottle and said, “It seems we are a little cloudy today…”
At this, Harry snatched the bottle out of her hand, drank its contents, saying, “Well, I’ll run it through again, maybe I can filter
it better this time.”


Nurse: Doctor, there is a man in the waiting room with a glass eye named Brown.

Doctor: What does he call his other eye?


Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?

Nurse: No change yet.

Nursing – The profession where “Rolling Fatties” means something entirely different.
A doctor was having an affair with his nurse.
Shortly afterward, she told him she was pregnant.
Not wanting his wife to know, he gave the nurse a sum of money and asked her to go to Italy and have the baby there.
“But how will I let you know the baby is born?” she asked.
He replied, “Just send me a postcard and write ‘spaghetti’ on the back. I’ll take care of expenses.”
Not knowing what else to do, the nurse took the money and flew to Italy.
Six months went by and then one day the doctor’s wife called him at the office and explained, “Dear, you received a very strange postcard in the mail today from Europe, and I don’t understand what it means.”
The doctor said, “Just wait until I get home and I will explain it to you.”
Later that evening, the doctor came home, read the postcard, fell to the floor with a heart attack. Paramedics rushed him to the ER. The lead medic stayed back to comfort the wife. He asked what trauma had precipitated the cardiac arrest.
So the wife picked up the card and read, “‘Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti – Two with sausage and meatballs, two without.'”

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