Nursing isn’t always easy, you deserve a break and a good laugh.

Check out this insanely funny list of Nursing jokes and let us know which one is your favorite!

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1.

Doctor: “You look exhausted.”

Blond: “I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.”

2.

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, “Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!”

The man replied, “How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company.”

The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, “Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company.”

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, “I think I need a breath of fresh air.”

The man continued, “I work for 7-UP.”

3.

There’s male patient in the hospital with 60% burns.

Doctor: “Give him two Viagra.”

Nurse:  “Do you think that will help?”

Doctor replies, “No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!”

4.

Three mischievous old Grannies were sitting on a bench outside a nursing home when an old Grandpa walked by.

One of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We BET we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”

The second old Granny said, “Sure we can! Just drop your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.”

A little embarrassed, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked him to first turn around and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison… “We were at your birthday party yesterday!”

5.

A nurse told the parents of a newly born child, “You have a cute baby.”

The smiling husband said, “I bet you say that to all new parents.”

“No,” she replied, “just to those whose babies really are good-looking.”

The husband again asked, “So what do you say to the others?”

The nurse replied, “The baby looks just like you.”

6.

A doctor is going round the ward with a nurse and they come to the first bed where the chap is laying half dead.
“Did you give this man two tablets every eight hours?” asks the doctor.
“Oh, no,” replies the nurse, “I gave him eight tablets every two hours!”

At the next bed, the patient also appears half dead.
“Nurse, did you give this man one tablet every twelve hours?”
“Oops, I gave him twelve tablets every one hour,” replies the nurse.

Unfortunately, at the next bed, the patient is well and truly deceased, not an ounce of life. “Nurse,” asks the doctor, “did you prick his boil?”
“OH, MY GOODNESS!” replies the nurse.

7.

Interns think of God, residents pray to God, doctors talk to God, nurses ARE God.

8.

Q: What’s the difference between a surgeon and a puppy?
A: If you put a puppy in a room by itself for an hour, it’ll probably stop whining.

9.

Patient: Tell me, is it true that alcohol decreases blood pressure?
Nurse: Yes, that is true.
Patient: And, is it true that coffee increases blood pressure?
Nurse: Yes, that is also true.
Patient: So, in average, I live normally.

10.

Q: What do you get if you have strep throat on Friday?

A: Saturday Night Fever.

11.

Q: How many doctors does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Only one, but he has to have a nurse to tell him which end to screw in.

12.

Q: What does LPD stand for?

A: Low Paid Nurse

13.

Q: How do you save a doctor from drowning?

A: Take the nurse’s foot off his head.

14.

Q: What’s it called when a hospital runs out off maternity nurses?

A: A Mid-wife crisis

 

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